Watching Fireflies Read online

  Watching Fireflies

  Copyright © 2014 Jaycee Ford

  Published by Jaycee Ford

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

  Published: Jaycee Ford

  Publishing assisted by Black Firefly: http://www.blackfirefly.com/

  (Shedding light on your self-publishing journey)

  Cover Design: by Michelle at AlexandMe Designs

  Credit photo: copyright 2014 Rob Lang/roblangimages.com

  Background photo: Zolt Levay

  Formatting by: http://www.blackfirefly.com/

  My dream turned into a possibility and became a reality because of you.

  THE TICK OF the clock pounded inside my head. My fingers cramped, grasping the ballpoint pen tight within my grip. An eye twitch due to lack of sleep broke my focus, yet the pen scratched across the page in a battle against time. Caffeine pulsed through my body, my heart beating in double time with the ticking of the clock. The professor’s eyes were on me, but I dared not look up. A single bead of sweat trickled down the side of my face as I ran out of the lined paper, continuing my final thoughts on the inside of the blue book’s back cover. One last scribbled note and I lifted my hands, an exhausted breath escaping my lips as I sat on this side of the classroom for the last time.

  “Pens down.”

  My heart lurched with a final bout of anxiety. Dozens of historical figures fluttered through my mind as I was plagued with the horror from a previous exam regarding the reasons for World War II. I had managed to forget to mention Adolf Hitler anywhere on the eight pages of the reviled blue book. Relief finally graced me as I dropped my pen to the table. I was done. I had completed my master’s degree. I was now one step closer to moving back home to Charlotte, one step closer to becoming Mrs. Ryan Gordon.

  Chairs scraped against the tiled floor as my classmates vacated the room, leaving the universally despised blue books in their past forever. A strand of brown hair hung in my face as I leaned down to get my bag. I tucked it behind my ear and crossed the bag’s strap over my chest as I stood. After following the herd of cattle to the front, I stood before my professor as I placed my final exam on the pile with the rest.

  “Good luck at Charlotte Catholic, Jordan.”

  A smile beamed across my face. I had been offered a position at a prestigious high school in Charlotte as an American history teacher, pending my degree. With my professor’s well wishes, I believed I had just earned my dream job.

  “Thank you, sir.” I reached across the desk and shook his hand. Upon release, I turned toward the door to exit my final.

  “And don’t take any crap from a bunch of teenagers.”

  I laughed at his advice and waved as I left the classroom. The hallway was bustling with my classmates’ freedom. The buzz swarmed of an afternoon outing. I assumed a massive amount of alcohol consumption was about to occur; however, I had more important things to do, like drive back to Charlotte and surprise my fiancé.

  As soon as I stepped outside of the building, the sunlight reflected off my ring, and I stared at it like I had so often since receiving it on the last day of my Christmas break. One year ago today, we had met, and three months from now, I would have his name. It was crazy and fast, but when we were together, he was perfect. I didn’t know how I had gotten so lucky. My phone rang, pulling me out of my daydream, and I reached into my bag. My best friend’s name lit up the screen.

  “Hey, Katherine!”

  “Are you done? Are you done? Do you get to move back home now?” Katherine had graduated with me two years earlier from North Carolina State University, receiving her bachelor’s degree in accounting. I had stayed to pursue my master’s degree, and she had left to become a pencil pusher in the accounting department of a law firm back home in Charlotte. We had been inseparable throughout high school and college, a prequel to the rest of our lives.

  “I’m done! I’m leaving now!” I hopped into my car. The excitement of finally being finished with school surged through me. As I started my little four door, I rolled down the windows to air out the May heat of Raleigh and then adjusted the rearview mirror. The dark circles of exhaustion beneath my blue eyes beckoned me to question driving straight to Charlotte from my final exam, but the decision had been made. I couldn’t wait to see my fiancé.

  “And… what are y’all’s plans for tonight?” I switched to Bluetooth as I eased out of my parking spot, looking over the boxes piled up in the back seat. Anything that couldn’t fit and I didn’t need within the next week was already in the mail to my parents’ house.

  “I’m going to surprise him. He thinks I’m coming home tomorrow.”

  “Need to release some of the stress there?”

  The air conditioner kicked in, and I rolled the windows up, laughing at her antics. “Yes. Yes, I do. Two weeks has been long enough.”

  “Just don’t ruin his suit when you claw at him,” she joked at his constant attire. A suit made the man, but he definitely looked better without the suit.

  “As soon as I knock on the door, I’m stripping him of all three pieces.” I gripped the steering wheel tighter. Two weeks had been too long.

  “Don’t knock. Use the key! He gave you a key! You’re supposed to be moving in tomorrow anyway. Just use the key!”

  “Should I? I mean, I should. It’s practically my apartment now.”

  “Yes! Do it! Okay, just text me when you get home. Maybe we can all go out tomorrow for ladies’ night,” she said, piquing my interest.

  “So, which suit of Ryan’s coworkers do you want to ruin?”

  “I didn’t think he’d let you go alone, so if that’s the case, I’m not picky!” She laughed over the phone.

  “You are so picky, Katherine.” I slid on my sunglasses to block the sun’s rays while ignoring her jab about Ryan not letting me go out alone. He was just protective, but she wasn’t the one marrying him. I was. She would just have to deal with it. Besides, he hadn’t seen me for two weeks. I didn’t think he’d let me go alone, either. “I’m merging into traffic, Katherine. I’ll text you later.”

  “Okay. Be careful.”

  “Love you. Bye.” The phone powered off as I turned up the new country crooning on the radio.

  After the two-hour-plus drive to Charlotte, I stopped at a convenience store and picked up a six pack of Ryan’s favorite beer. A few signal lights and a right turn later, I idled in a parking spot as I stared at his apartment complex—our apartment complex. I couldn’t believe I was finally going to be with the most perfect man.

  Excitement pulsed through me as I got out of the car, lugging my bag and the six pack of beer along with me. I climbed the flight of stairs to his door with the key clutched tight within my grip. This was my home now, too. There was no reason why I shouldn’t use it. I stared at the lock, the key resting just inside, but I couldn’t push it in. Ryan preferred structure and an org
anized schedule. Very early in our relationship, I decided to go away for the weekend with Katherine. She needed a breather from work and I needed one from grad school. He went over the edge when I didn’t go visit him that weekend and went to Myrtle Beach instead. The texts and phone calls were crazy. That just proved how much I meant to him so early on. He still called and texted like crazy. I never understood his constant need for reassurance, but I knew barging in on him was something I didn’t think he would appreciate. I pulled the key away from the door and assured myself that tomorrow I could come over unannounced, but doing so today wasn’t the brightest move. After stuffing the key back into my bag, I raised my hand up and let my fist rap on the door. I couldn’t wait to throw my arms around him. I hadn’t seen him for two weeks due to finals, and now, we would never have to be apart again.

  I stood still as I waited, but there was no answer. I walked over to the railing and peered out into the parking lot. His car was parked a few spots away from mine, so I knew he was here. I knocked once more and waited again. The element of surprise lurked around me, tempting me, and I pulled out my keys as I walked back to the door and quietly let myself into the silent apartment.

  A smile inched up my face at the sound of the running shower. Images of his body drenched by water and lathered up with soap filtered through my mind as I emptied my hands of my bag and the six pack of beer. I walked toward the bathroom, tossing my jacket on the ground, taking down my hair, and then pulling the shirt over my head. As I slowly opened the bathroom door, I smirked at the sounds of his quiet grunts emerging over the showering water.

  Knowing a man had needs, I slowly grabbed the shower curtain, and while throwing it open, I purred, “Need a hand, sexy?”

  My breath hitched. My feet froze in place. I stared at my fiancé as he continued to thrust. His eyes slowly opened and he did not stop fast enough at the sight of his fiancé standing in front of his apparent conquest. My heart plummeted into the pit of my stomach, bile rising up my throat.

  “Oh… my … God…” His eyes widened when they settled on me.

  “Jordan!” Ryan shouted in panic. My gaze drifted down at some bleached blonde bitch with Ryan… in her mouth.

  “Oh, my God!” My eyes flickered back up to his, which were filled with shock. Was this my fiancé? Was this the kind of man I intended to marry? How could I have been so oblivious?

  “Jordan, it’s not what you think!” The words echoed in the bathroom while he freed himself from my replacement’s mouth. That phrase alone snapped me out of my incoherent stupor. He struggled to step out of the shower while my stand-in knelt with her head down, resuming her position.

  “Ryan, how stupid do you think I am? Your dick was just in someone’s mouth!” A whirlwind of emotions flared through me. My vision blurred with a mix of rage and tears. I couldn’t believe this was happening. A year! I had been with him for a year! Ice seeped through my veins, freezing me into this spot. My chest hollowed with despair, regret lodging with the toxins creeping up my throat. He stepped toward me as disgust riddled me. All that I had done with him was a lie. Our whole future was a failure before it even began.

  I was so appalled at myself and the unsettling sight, but my feet finally willed themselves to move. I stormed back into the living room, putting distance between me and my fiancé, and yanked back on my discarded clothing. A naked and dripping wet Ryan followed me. I turned around and no shame reflected in his distrusting brown eyes as they widened. I turned my back on him and started for the door, not wanting to deal with the horrid memories that would forever seep into my brain.

  “Please, sweetheart. I can explain.” He grabbed my arm and turned me around, keeping me from fleeing this life. A hand snaked around my other arm and clamped down as he held me in place so tight I couldn’t wriggle out of his hold. I twisted my arms within his constricting hands. A sob escaped my mouth. I just wanted to go.

  “Let go of me…” I begged through heart-wrenching tears, the air catching in my throat. I couldn’t breathe. He shook me in place, his fingers digging painfully into my arms.

  “No, God dammit! Stop trying to run away from me!”

  I flinched at his barking order while wincing from the pain.

  “Let me go, fucking bastard!” The vile sight of that man gave me the strength to put as much distance as possible between me and this place. I yanked one arm from his grip, and my opened hand slapped his cheek. His head turned to the side, following the force of the blow. The room became eerily still as the man I had loved so much inflamed with anger. His head creaked slowly back toward me; his nostrils flared as he clenched his jaw. His eyes focused on me with a glaring shock. Disapproval crossed his face, and for a moment, I feared I had wronged him. I covered my mouth with a shaking hand, but then the sight of a robe-covered imposer caught my eye from the bathroom doorway. It was him who had wronged me. He did this to us, to the future I thought we would have. I raised my hand again and slapped him harder than the first time. I glared at him as he had done to me.

  I ripped my other hand from his clutch, my chest heaving for breath. Fire spread across my skin as my lungs ached from the sobbing pain. I grabbed my bag and ran for the exit. When I reached the door, I glanced back at the man I thought I knew. He stood completely still in utter silence, his hands clenched into fists, his narrowed stare never wavering. I wouldn’t let him control me anymore. I wiggled the ring off my finger, the ring I had never taken off once since he had asked me to marry him, and I chucked it at him. It bounced off his naked stomach and fell to the floor with finality.

  “You can pay your whore with that,” I fumed through heartbreaking sobs. Closing my eyes, I twisted the knob and opened the door to a better life, a life where I never had to see his face again.

  When I reached my car, I fell inside, slamming the door shut behind me. My hands rested on the steering wheel, and I gripped it tighter to ease their shaking. I stared at my bare finger, noticing the faintest tan line where the ring had been for so many months. The tears streamed down my face as I was void of the weight. I heard my name yelled outside, and a barefoot, bare-chested ex-fiancé ran toward me. I ignited the car into life, slamming my foot down on the gas, and sped away. I never looked back, and I promised myself that I never would.

  THE WHEELS OF a rolling suitcase echoed down the hardwood floor of Katherine’s building. I adjusted the duffle bag that was dislocating my shoulder, shifting the strap away from the still-sensitive spots on my upper arms. It had taken weeks for the deep bruises to heal, bruises in the shape of Ryan’s broad fingertips. The skin was still tender to the touch, or maybe I was just raw all over. I heaved another sigh as I continued down the long corridor. Sighs were my only form of communication of late. I had hibernated my summer behind the door of my childhood home, listening to hundreds of unanswered calls going straight to voicemail. I didn’t want to leave the house, not when I knew he was somewhere on the outside. The cutthroat financial advisor knew all about money and had a lot of it. He had a fiancé on his arm and a mistress in the bedroom. He wanted to climb the corporate ladder with some sort of trophy wife on his arm. A reflection caught my eye as I passed by a mirror in the hallway. My hair was haphazardly thrown into a ponytail as I modeled a NC State T-shirt and running shorts. My cheeks sunk in as I sported a winter’s tan. My eyes grayed like the inside of my soul. I was so far from lost. Yep. I was some trophy all right.

  And this was all my fault.

  I turned away from the unsettling sight and continued down a few more doorways until I reached Katherine’s condo. Inconvenience was something I would rather not bestow upon my friends, but my parents had left for a well-deserved vacation and I couldn’t stand to stay alone. The suitcase rolled to a stop behind me and I adjusted the strap on my shoulder once more. As I raised my hand up to knock, I exhaled in an attempt to rid the toxic past from my being. I didn’t bother trying to smile. I knew it wouldn’t work. The door flew open and my best friend stood in front of me with a bittersweet
happiness etched across her face. Auburn hair softened her features, but in her narrowing brown eyes I detected a certain amount of pissed-off-ness.

  “Thanks for letting me stay?” I shrugged my shoulders in question and winced away from her glare.

  “I barely get any texts much less a call from you since you’ve been back.” She opened the door for me to pass, but didn’t bury her frustrations. “You could have called me, you know.” She closed the door behind her as I wheeled my suitcase into the middle of her expansive condo. “I know what he did was shitty—so ungodly shitty—but you can’t be a hermit. You can’t let him win.”

  The view out of her picture window drew me. I stood before the wide expanse of glass and got lost in overlooking Center City Charlotte, watching the line of cars weave down North Tryon. The morning sun beat down on the pavement, summer stretching on for what seemed like an eternity. I turned away from the sun, wanting to hide from the light. Her welcoming palette of colors soothed me to an extent, but I hadn’t healed in these past few weeks.

  “I don’t have to let him win. He already won.” I dropped my bag to the floor as my best friend’s eyes softened from the glare of anger to sympathy and sorrow.

  “Honey, he lost you. He didn’t win.” She unfolded her arms as she stood in her work attire, having to deal with me before she started her day, and walked over to me. She tried to pull me into a hug, but I pushed away. I couldn’t handle being coddled. I wanted to live in my misery alone. But I just couldn’t be alone.

  “But look at me. I’m a wreck! If I hadn’t gone home a day early, nothing would have happened! I would be getting married in a few weeks. I would be happy.” The tears reappeared as they had so often this summer. “Does this look happy?”

  “It looks like a damn fool. Who would literally accept her fiancé dicking around on them? That’s what he did, Jordan. He dicked around on you. Do you want that? For even the possibility of happiness?”